At its core, Emotion Coaching is a research-based approach that prioritises empathy and connection over punishment or dismissal. Developed from the work of John Gottman, it is based on the principle that children need empathy and "co-regulation" (help managing their feelings) before they can access logic or learn from a situation. Instead of focusing solely on stopping a behaviour ("Stop crying!"), Emotion Coaching focuses on the feelings driving that behaviour. It views moments of high emotion not as problems to be fixed, but as opportunities for teaching and connection.
When adults ignore, criticise, or punish children's emotions, children learn that their feelings are wrong or shameful. This doesn't stop the emotions; it just teaches children to suppress them, leading to:
🧩 Increased anxiety and stress
🧩 Poor emotional regulation
🧩 Behavioural problems
🧩 Lower academic results
🧩 Difficulty forming healthy relationships
When adults respond with empathy and understanding, children:
🧩 Are more resilient
🧩 Improve their emotional literacy
🧩 Have fewer behavioural problems
🧩 Achieve more academically in school
🧩 Can self-regulate
Notice when your child is experiencing feelings—even before behaviour escalates.
Sometimes your child can't tell or identify what they are feeling. You can help them!
Setting expectations can be an opportunity to remind the child about acceptable behaviour.
Use a restorative approach to turn mistakes into learning moments. Guide the child to reflect on their behaviour, understand its impact, and agree on a strategy to repair the situation and move forward positively.
Emotion Coaching builds the architecture of children's brains.
During early childhood, children develop "Internal Working Models"—patterns of thinking and responding learned through relationships with caregivers. When adults respond to emotions with empathy and guidance, children's brains develop stronger pathways for:
🧩 Self-regulation
🧩 Problem-solving
🧩 Emotional intelligence
🧩 Resilience
Research from the USA, UK, and Australia shows that Emotion Coaching:
🧩 Improves emotional regulation
🧩 Reduces behavioural difficulties
🧩 Supports mental health and wellbeing
🧩 Increases academic achievement
🧩 Strengthens parent-child relationships
The Somerset Study (2016) found that after implementing Emotion Coaching in schools:
🧩 Staff felt more confident approaching difficult behaviour
🧩 Children became better at identifying when they were about to "flip"
🧩 Exclusions dropped significantly
🧩 Pupils could articulate how they were feeling and why
Background: 10 pupils (Year 8-9) at risk of permanent exclusion
Intervention: Staff and pupils trained in Emotion Coaching; parent information sessions provided
Outcome: All but two children no longer at risk of exclusion
Notable Changes:
🧩 Pupils able to identify and name their feelings
🧩 Frequency of classroom removal dropped dramatically
🧩 One pupil's fixed-term exclusions went from 7 to 0 in one term
This is the power of understanding emotions before addressing behaviour.
Child therapy using emotion coaching approaches
Parent mentoring to learn emotion coaching at home
Support implementing strategies with your child
Half-day or full-day staff training
Whole-school implementation support
Parent workshops
Ongoing consultancy
Certified Emotion Coaching training
Tools for managing your own emotional regulation
Framework for supporting children and families
References:
Gottman, J., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1996). Parental meta-emotion philosophy and the emotional life of families: Theoretical models and preliminary data. Journal of Family Psychology, 10(3), 243-268.
Rose, J., Temple, S., McGuire-Snieckus, R., Wood, F., & Vatmanides, O. (2016). The Somerset Emotion Coaching Project Research Report. Bath Spa University & Somerset Council.
Havighurst, S. S., Wilson, K. R., Harley, A. E., & Prior, M. R. (2009). Tuning in to Kids: An emotion-focused parenting program. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 14(4), 427-445.
